Love and Happiness without Him

After a while (ages actually) of not posting anything on my blog, tbe2 hati meluap2 nk update blog.. dunno why but most of the time i'll feel this way during September.. mst update blog time september je.. cm pelik kan.. feels like there's so many things i want to share with my dear blog.. Now am engaged!!! yeah its a big news but its an old one.. mane tak nye, btunang bulan1, bulan9 baru tkedek2 update blog.. huhu.. I know previously our relationship was in a terrible shape.. But Alhamdulillah now we are well on our way to walk down the aisle.. Now, we have become better as lover and most importantly as His better servant.. Because, last time when we were so madly, head over heels in love, we thought that everything will be just so wonderful as long as we have each other.. As long as we have each other, we need nothing else in this world.. We were so caught up in our own little not-so-realistic world.. But He has better plans for us.. We still have each other but the thing that binds us was fading. Our love has lost its spark.. To me, what had happened is not his punishment towards us for being so ignorant (arrogant perhaps), but it is actually a blessing in disguise. He misses us but we never really surrender to Him. Yeah, we pray, perform all the wajib thingy, but that's it.. To me, i've given Him what He wants, now i'm free to do what i want.. that's what i mean as being arrogant.. i never really surrendered my heart n soul to Him.. I have never anticipated His plans in mine because being a 'planner' as i am, i always think that my plans are perfect that even divine intervention could not fail it.. Owh Lord, how i was wrong!! The fact is, even the worst plan could succeed with His intervention and i learned it the hard way.. The pain that i was in made me surrender. I was in dead end, at the end of my wit of what i should do to revive our relationship.. i was in a lot of pain that i cried everyday.. my tears streaming down my face practically all the time.. so many memories for me to deal with.. That pushed me to surrender.. I just cant believe the kind of serenity i felt after i truly surrender to him.. when people say 'pray for what you want', i always say ' i know what i want but i don't know how to pray for it.. but He is Mr. Know-it-all so He should know what i want'.. now i think, it's not that i don't know how to pray for it but i think i let my ego gets in the way because i'm not the kind of person who always ask things from people.. i believe in working and earning what i want.. but now i realized, there are things in life that we cannot earn, there are things we need to ask from Him.. and that is LOVE and HAPPINESS.. Now, me and my then bf is in good term.. We are madly in love with each other again.. i love him, he loves me.. And we love Him.. tu yg smpi bole terbetunang tu.. hehe.. After what had happened last year, we learned to appreciate each other even more.. respect n put each others' feelings first in any decision to be made.. Alhamdulillah.. I dont know how many times i have said it to portray how i am truly, madly, deeply grateful to Allah for kebahagiaan yg indah ini.. n each time i say Alhamdulillah, i truly mean it this time because i know the happiness i felt today is not because my so-called great plans have worked out, but because He decided to include me and my fiance in His 'happiness boat'.. its all because of Him and i truly believe i am ridiculously nothing without Him.. I always pray to Him to always keep me,my fiance, my family and his in that boat and never throw us in the remorseful sea.. Haritu, baru kena celop sket je da rase mcm nak mati.. This weekend, his family is coming over to finalize our wedding date.. nervous but excited.. weeeeeee.. >.< This post is dedicated to the future me so that i will remember how it feels like to be left by Him.. Hopefully this will be a reminder for me in the future and could help me in leading a barakah life.. Love mummy, love my hubby and definitely love Him.. *group hug*