Story of a PTD Cadet Bride.. :)

Too many things have occurred in my life since my last post in this blog. Ok, now i dont know where to start.. hmmm.. okae, first of all I AM MARRIED.. i've been married for more than a year now.. see, btape lamenye x update blog.. da kawen setahun br nk wt post.. hehehe.. the reason being, i was too busy completing my Kadet PTD course.. haihhhh... tak taw la nk happy ke nk sdey.. in order to become a PTD (which is not one of my dream pn sbnrnye, i wanna b a lecturer.. n i still have that dream till today), there are many sacrifices that i have to make.. the new PTD Cadetship is different from the previous DPA course for PTD.. The duration for PTD Cadetship is one year plus with penempatan penuh but DPA is for 6 month only.. The offer to join cadet came about one month before my wedding date.. all my wedding invitation have been sent out.. we have paid the caterer, mua, wedding planner etc. tak ke haywire hidup.. mane nk urus the big day lagi, nk wt preparation for cadetship lg.. da la byk documentation n requirement.. haihhhh.. so, my first sacrifice is to hand over many of my wedding details to be executed by my family n relatives.. i am a control freak and very detail *fussy actually* in executing my plan.. so, to hand over my plans to be executed by someone else is a big deal for me.. tambah2 lagi its my wedding we're talking about.. n i know my family even more nervous than i was to execute my plans n to meet my expectation.. at the time i hand over everything, i know i will not get my dream wedding.. i hv to tell myself over and over again that my family have done their level best to make me happy.. n i should be thankful for that.. for their willingness to help and to put so many effort to make me happy on the day of my wedding..i was sooooooo down at that moment because being a bridezilla, i have planned so many things for the wedding and my honeymoon with my hubby.. but because i have to join cadetship, i was not entitled to get any cuti because i have to carry on with my module.. so basically, i got married on saturday, i have to return back to INTAN on Sunday.. I cried the whole journey to INTAN.. I still remember on that dreadful Sunday, i was so emotional that i keep on saying ' i dont wanna go back, i just want my hubby, i dont wanna go back' but at the same time, my hands were packing my things.. it was like a clash of head and heart.. i still remember thinking that day was supposed to be the happiest moment in my life but it was totally the opposite from what i have expected.. n obviously la kan i didnt get to go for honeymoon.. iolls kan ala2 romantic jd not going to honeymoon as planned is a big deal for me.. even till today that i have completed my cadetship, these are the things that still aching in my heart when i looked back.. i've sacrificed my wedding, my honeymoon and the pengantin baru moments just to be a PTD. At that time, i was so upset with how my life turned out to be that i started to be so vocal in blaming all the people that played a role in getting me into this mess (i.e my hubby, my family n my in-laws).. before i join PTD cadetship, i was working in a bank.. the workload was good and the salary was even better.. my home is only 8km away from my office.. i was happy and was looking forward to get married and have ample time to be together with my hubby.. in fact, to decide on joining the PTD was the hardest task i have to make in my life.. i dont wanna join because i have to stay in INTAN for one year plus which means away from my hubby most of the time.. n i didnt get to go for honeymoon, something that i have planned for sooooooo long.. you see, me and my hubby have been together for 6 years before we got married.. and throughout that 6 years we always pujuk ourself like 'xpe nnt da kawen kte g sane (krabi, bali, cherating, singapore, perhentian, cameron, fraser bla bla bla), skarang x bole lagi, kte x kawin lg'.. so for that 6 years we have built hopes that one day when we get married, we will have all the time in the world to travel and spend time together.. in fact when i was in the bank, i have plotted 14days cuti for my wedding.. tbe2 month before our wedding, i was told i dont have any cuti kawen, so all our 6years plans shattered just because i join PTD.. The very reason why i enroll myself in cadetship was to make the people i care most happy.. it was my mother's dream to see one of her kids to become a PTD.. i still remember asking my mom 'ibu, klw taty x amek PTD nie, wud u be mad at me?' and she replied after a long pause 'ibu x marah.. taty anak ibu, xkn ibu nk marah.. tp ibu akan rasa sgt sedih'.. n my father-in-law is also a PTD, so he was very happy to know that i was offered.. my hubby also encouraged me to join PTD.. so all the people closest to me really want me to be a PTD.. so i think to myself that if my niat is to make my family happy, Allah will guide me through.. but throughout the tough journey as cadet, and all the sacrifices, i started to rethink of my decision n started to blame my family because of this.. i started to feel depressed and furious.. it made me even sadder to realize that i have become a monster to the people i care the most.. i also realized i cannot survive the cadetship if i continued being this negative..i started to think positively and take it one day at a time.. even my brothers and relatives were impressed with all the things i did in cadet.. angkat hose berat, kayak pusing pulau, menembak n all.. Alhamdulillah.. i became a better person and more redha with what i have to go through as cadet. Thanks to my cadets frens who have made my journey bearable and even livelier .. hehe.. even though i still dont know what my callings are, i still have to be positive.. i attended Dr. Muhaya talks last few weeks n she said something like this 'kadang2 kite xtaw kenapa Allah letakkan kite di suatu tempat tu, kite akn fikir nie bukan tempat aku, tapi Allah kan yg menciptakan kite,He knows where to put us so that we can be the most beneficial to others, life is about serving, not getting'.. Her statement blown me away.. for one year in cadet i was tertanya2 why me and why PTD.. why not lecturing.. n now i got my answer.. mungkin as PTD i will be most beneficial to others.. InshaAllah.. Today is my first day in the office as PTD *baru dapat tempat, x dpt keje lg* .. i must strive to be the most beneficial to others.. maybe thats my calling.. but first must to get used to hearing people keep calling me Puan.. the gedik me mcm x sesuai je dgn panggilan Puan.. Panggil Diva okae la.. hahahahaha.. *diva sangat*