to hold on or to let go...

       I am here again one more time.... urrrghhhh..... x suke.... i only update ths blog when im in trouble n hv no one to talk to... hmmmm.... rite now im in a big shit.... after being with my bf for 5years, i dunno why suddenly i feel like we r not meant to b together... i hv never felt like this before... i awlays 160% sure that we'll be together n grow old as husband n wife... but i dunno why suddenly everythng seems so blur lately.... its like we'r drifting apart.... everythng seems so different nowadays.... no more gentle kiss on the hand, no more sweet2 talk n no more laughter n smile... everythng seems so stiff n dull.... i know u r bz but i am bz too... evn whn i am super bz, i will still think of u... in fact i miss u more whn im bz... in fact i will go for meal break wif phone in my hand hoping u will reply my msg n i will sleep with phone next to my pillow so that i can hear when u call... but u never called... u only call when u r driving to or back from work... u only call when u r waiting for u friends... thats the only time u have for me... i dunno wht goes wrong but it really hurt me inside.... is it me or u dont love me anymore.... i jst dont hv any answer.... mayb u loved me n u jst hang on to the love u had for me.... thats why u r stiff now cz u dont love the present me, but u loved the old me... u jst hang on to the memories...  i love u so much that it hurt to let go all the dreams i dream for our future but to stay in this relationship, i really need to revive our love.... when i say u dont love me, u'll get mad n offended... i dunno how to talk to u so that it wont make u mad... but i really need to find the answer.... u said u r tired... i am tired too... but i never made it as excuse not to b happy around u... in fact i'll b happier when i'm with u.... but it hurt me badly whn i cant make u smile anymore... seeing me doesnt excites u... i dunno wht to do or wht to say jst to see u smile again...  eventhough im not happy in ths relationship as i should be, imagining myself without u is even more hurtful cz i've loved u a bit more than i should... i hope that u understand that its not that i see u as not perfect... i'v loved u perfectly despite ur flaws but i jst wish that u love the imperfect me perfectly too.... not jst by words but more by action cz to tell u the truth, without ur words, i dont feel ur love anymore....